Broken
Hi. its been a while since the last time I blogged. not really while. or maybe awu. entah lol.so uh................ my depression is back. I'm not attention seeking or what. I'm much comfier to blog it out (I mean who'd really wanna read my blog. haha. my friends doesnt know that I still have it. banar. lol. well except for the bestie.) to relieve it rather than nagging my best friend. trust me when I said its too hard for me to express or show my feelings to other people or even show that I have problems. I'm not that readable. it doesn't come out very often because I have huge alter ego/ really emotionless said some people. HAHA ==" But when I do........ only some people know what. I refused to show my weakness and I don't wanna make people worry about me. I'm not the type of person who really go sought for help from people but instead I rather hide it. and I know its really bad. I cant help it :( its really a constant battle with my inner self. welp! :/
anyway, I'm depressed....... there are alot of things going on right now and things still aren't going any smoother. it's killing me slowly :( Never in my life I have to compromise such things (vague. duli kau)................ and with one of my closest friend in the whole wide world from high school to college/ gay mate is leaving v.v.v.v.v.v.v.v soon aint helping either and followed by the rest of them next month.That is how much I hate goodbyes as well esp when it involves people in my A list. sigh. and here's when the real life starts. apakan.
I need an impromptu photography outing and keep myself occupied before my bad-habits-during-depression is back. Ever wondered how did I manage my depressions last year or previous years other than going loco with my friends or do some photography projects? I drank redbull. a hell lot of em. which can damage my liver which later can kill me. By having the sugar rush, it'll distract me from depression and do some more crazy stuffs till my friends cant handle me no mo'. LOLOLOL. I only go workout if I'm stressed out. but heh. I seriously need to distract myself and I do apologize if I go MIA from social networks again. My friends said I've changed alot and they said I'm not that talkative like I used to. really? lol :X It must've the depression and drama's fault then. HAHA. or was it part of growing up? LOL! I do realize that tho. but yea. lemme get my shits fixed first as everything's just too overwhelming for me to handle at the moment and I still need some time to be alone. I'm sorry....
k done ranting,
Au Revoir!
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